It’s been about nine years since I started my journey of mind-body awareness. In retrospect I see three distinct phases, each lasting about three years. It took me three whole years to change how I thought about food and movement, body image and to believe that change was truly possible.
After 25 years of roller coaster diet, no diet, exercise, no exercise, gaining more and more weight and growing more and more disheartened, living in less and less joy and confidence, it took some real heart-head work to evolve. Little by little, my plate changed to whole, colorful foods. I no longer craved fried foods, fast food, processed foods and artificial sweets made in a factory. Not overnight! Pizza, even crappy pizza can be a challenge! Change isn’t an arrow, it’s a loop de loop. It’s about regrouping, restarting, each time with less lag time. Each time, it got easier. The processed foods began to taste artificial, overwhelming, and….fake. My tummy ached if I overindulged and I longed for greens!
I admit, I grew to love exercising! Now, I know many of you think I’m somehow different than you. I promise, I had ZERO background in anything physical. No team sports, no dance lessons, not from an active family. My extracurricular activity was piano–for twelve years! Yet at 50, I longed to move. To learn how to use this body I’ve been given. I longed to meet a challenge. To sweat, and laugh, and grit my teeth, and go home sore and exhausted and anxious to do it all again. Who was this woman?
All I know is that you can change. Again and again. And if you let it, life will surprise you. You will surprise you!
The next three years I fell down the rabbit hole. I returned to school. This time, in nutrition, in personal and group training, in behavioral science of change, in active aging certification and finally, wellness coaching. I wanted to understand the circumference of living in a state of wellness. Not perfection. I wanted to learn how we change, why we change, what triggers change, and most importantly, how to LIVE in sustained wellness. I wanted to understand the interplay of sleep, stress, relationships, meaningful work, community, history, perceptions, physical and mental health concerns with all of our diseases, conditions and issues that must be woven into who we are.
That’s when I had to slow down. We are beautifully flawed and complicated. We can’t be “fixed.” We can’t clean it all up. We can’t get on track and stay on track. We will always be a tapestry with light and dark in our weft. Wellness is a big buzzword. Everybody’s got a different definition. This is what I know. For me. And maybe something in it may resonate for you.
Wellness is a walk. Every day is different. Balance is a gyro. In constant flux. We ebb and flow. We will no doubt, lose our way and find it again. Awareness is simply finding our way a little bit quicker. We feel those triggers, those tugs, and we find our way back to center just a little bit easier. Some of the time. Hopefully most of the time. And when we don’t, we smile. Giving ourselves gentleness and yet consistent care. Even a strong talking to every now and then.
Wellness is creating a community to surround yourself with–for you and for them. A give and take of wisdom, wit, knowledge, experience and yes, accountability. Wellness is living with and through awareness.
These last three years I am now living in this space. Most days, I create and enjoy wholesome food. I eat like a queen! Most days, I eat at home because I enjoy the 5 step process of planning, purchasing, prepping, cooking and enjoying. Most days, I move. I take long, long walks (I say I walk on the beach until the voices stop berating me–and that can take awhile). I also lift weights for strength, do yoga for agility, dance for endurance, garden to plunge into the earth and anything else that feels good body and soul. Most days, I sleep without aids and I wake often, but it doesn’t bother me. I like the quiet moments with myself in the dark. Most days, I rest when I need to. Mid-day ten minute nap is divine. Even to sit quiet. Most days, I don’t overwork, over stress, overthink. Some days, I do. But I catch myself, redirect, and at times, just let it take its course knowing it won’t last long. Most days, what others think of me matters less and less. Not their praise nor their criticism. It’s my job to love/validate/correct me. Even the tough love part. I have little tolerance for stress, drama, pain (although its a powerful teacher). But I do allow sorrow to weep, anger to wail, boredom to whine, and hurt to engulf. It’s part of being alive and I so enjoy being alive. All of it.
And some days I curse like a mofo, want to inflict bodily harm on many people some related some strangers, and drink tequila. Lots of tequila. Just keeping it real!
What’s next? I started this series stating that I believe in reincarnation–particularly in this lifetime. Reinvention is inevitable. What’s next? I don’t know. And I love not knowing.
2 Responses
-
Kathy L. Murphy Says:
Love it Carol O’Dell, keep going…
-
Debee DiMenichi Says:
You inspire me every day. You’ve taught me how to hope and how to be with me in the darkness and the light. We/I/this world is lucky to have you. Carry on my friend!
