I am learning so much from Carol as I follow my own path to better health and fitness. Today we are featuring Part Two of her journey! We’re all in this together and Carol makes it easier!
My big leap into the fitness world began.I signed up at my local gym not knowing anything about strength training and only the usual girlie things about cardio–treadmill, elliptical, jazzercise and step aerobics. I ran straight to the group fitness room and planted myself in the very back. Several of the classes I took were in the dark with only rope lighting. Less intimidating and a great way to hide. I didn’t know what a plank was. I couldn’t do one push up on my toes and I faked many moves only doing them half way. But I liked it. A place to go at 5:00. The music. That people started to recognize me. We all need a place to belong. Next big step. TIme to look at my food. I used to call it a diet. Me and diets were quite familiar. Like most bad relationships. I kept coming back for more even though it obviously wasn’t working for long. I dived deep into nutrition. Diet is to lose weight (really, we want to lose fat), but nutrition is a much bigger and far more important goal worthy of our focus. Baby steps. Time to look at my 30 year addiction to diet sodas. Obviously, with gaining 50 pounds the diet part of the soda equation wasn’t working. I drank four to six a day. Called it my mom juice. I depended on the fizz, the caffeine, the buzz. I’d tried to quit before. And before. And before that. This time I studied addiction recovery practices. I studied nutrition from all angles. What was I missing? Why was my will power so weak? I came up with my own two step approach. The first was to find a substitute. Coffee. My other vice. It has nutritional value and I was tested for caffeine tolerance, which was good. I gave myself permission to have coffee/go to Starbucks anytime I wanted a diet coke. Even six times a day. The first week, I hit the coffee shop everyday. Sometimes twice a day for that afternoon iced coffee. By the second week I needed less, but still gave myself full permission to enjoy this other vice. I only used steevia in my coffee so I wasn’t adding a ton of calories, but that didn’t matter. Calories wasn’t the focus. Only eating/drinking things with nutritional value was. My other strategy was to change my narrative around diet sodas. I came up with this:
Diet sodas have zero nutritional value. They are as harmful to me as Drano. Drano might taste good–I don’t know–but it wouldn’t be good for me. Diet soda is Drano. I don’t drink Drano.
I said this to myself outloud day after day those first few weeks or months. It became such a mantra, such a habit that I can’t even say the word, “diet” without launching into my mantra. It’s been nine years. I’ve had a couple of sips of diet sodas and they do nothing for me. Nothing. I tastes so strong and strange I want to spew it out.
Next came hydrogenated oils. After educating myself on the dangers of hydrogenated oils, why they were invented, what they do to our cells, our heart, how they’re in all processed foods (don’t get me started!) I knew I had to take a serious look at my pantry. We can talk about nutrition later.
I want to leapfrog over nutrition and talk about that later. What I want to share in this post is how I began to FEEL.
I stopped holding my body hostage–you can buy a new dress after you lose ten more pounds–if you don’t lose weight you’re going to stop going to the gym–you’re too old to focus so much on how you look–what my friends were saying about how much time I spent working out–that cholesterol meds are inevitable, just take them….
I stopped the negative self talk: I hate my thighs. Thank you for your strength to walk, to squat, to dance.
I hate my stomach. Thank you for babies. And yes, I’ll wear that two piece.
I hate my arms. Thank you that I can cook and paint, Lift and carry. Hug and hold.
I refused to be that awful ugly friend who talks bad about someone she professes loyal to. I refused to let cruel words come out of my mouth. At first the affirmations felt fake. Then they didn’t. They felt authentic. I was finally becoming the best friend I always dreamed of–kind, funny, loyal, honest but not harsh, tough but encouraging.
I found my confidence. I wanted to dance. To be playful. To say yes to get togethers. I wanted to take long walks just for the enjoyment of it. I wanted to try new things. Try on clothes in a store. And yes, I wanted to leave the lights on in the bedroom! I didn’t care what the scale number read–but how I felt in my own skin.
Mine isn’t a fast journey. It took me about six years to get my head on straight. To change my fridge, my pantry, my closet, where I ate, how I dressed, how I talked to myself…
Time for the next big step. I decided I wanted to be a wellness coach when I grew up. Again.
